When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
