You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
