do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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