It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
