that's an acceptable place to lick
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
