soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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