This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
