I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
