I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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