Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
