So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
