I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
