I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wish there were birth control emojis
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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