I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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