rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
