New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
