My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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