Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
