He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
