finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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