I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
