Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
