The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
