I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
