I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
