Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
