I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
