Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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