I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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