im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
