guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
