life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
