I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
