I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
