Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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