Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
