i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
