"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
