Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
