I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
should my penis look like a turkey
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
