He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
