yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
