I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
