Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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