I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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