he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
