if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it because I queefed?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
