Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
