You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
