I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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