fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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