Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
