my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
